Disclaimer: I am not mad at anyone for the following events. I blame myself for not being more open about Liam's struggles. This is something we can all learn from.
"Liam and a lot of things don't go well."
That's a comment said to me after trying to explain that "Lines and Liam don't go well" at Sixflags this weekend. Sensing frustration from someone who sent him back to be with his father after not listen, I tried to simply say that he has a hard time waiting in lines or staying still for that matter. Instead of fully explaining the problem I simply said "lines and Liam don't go well". Now I probably should have worded it differently, but I really didn't want to get into it to be honest.
After having to defend him day in and day out, or explain that he's different, I didn't want to have to explain to the group of guys my son wanted to hang out with that he's different. I just wanted him to be accepted. I just wanted him to be able to hang out with someone other than his mother or father. And frankly, we wanted to hang out with someone different too. Sometimes we all need a break, so I get it. He's a lot to handle.
I know he's crazy.
I know he's impatient.
I know he's wild.
I know he's stubborn.
I birthed the kid, I get it.
But what YOU don't know is that he's loving.
He's smart.
He's a go-getter.
He's great with younger kids.
He loves quality time with adults.
He's great at soccer.
He's a wrestler.
He loves to read.
He loves to draw.
He is very forgiving.
He loves to hug.
He is all this and more.
If you took the time to engage with him instead of being annoyed by him, you would love him too. He would love you back even more. He would be your best friend. He doesn't judge. He just loves. Yes he may get angry when he doesn't get his way, doesn't understand, or can't explain himself, but please give him two minutes and it will all be ok. He'll either move on, find his words, or forgive you. Whatever the situation may require. No matter how many times you knock him down, he's going to get back up.
In the grand scheme of things aren't we all different? Aren't we all unique? That's what makes the world so wonderful. We may not always understand people's choices, lifestyles, or actions but we can accept them (within reason).
Today someone asked me if Liam could help her clean out the shed. He said he would, so I dropped him off and left. Later I asked her if he was a good help and she said he was. I said that's good to hear. Her reply was "Isn't it? " YES, YES IT IS. It was so good to hear.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Sunday, December 7, 2014
It's been too long
Well its been awhile since I've "blogged" but here I am.
I've been struggling lately with lots of things. Not feeling satisfied with life and where I am at today. I look at where I wanted to be and I'm on a whole other level in the parking garage. And a parking garage is what it feels like. Just floors after floors of the same old thing. Parked cars. I'm parked at this spot in my life and I'm not working my way up or out. Just circling the level and hoping for new things. My husband always quotes, "stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. " That's me! How am I going to take my old beat up wagon and turn it into a Lexus that has a front row parking spot. You know the ones with your name on it. The ones that let others know you are someone special, so don't even think of parking here.
Well, first of all I'm going to pray. Not pray selfishly either. I'm going to start praying that God shows me His will and I open my never-seeing-eyes and SEE what He wants. I can't keep praying for that certain job, expect to get it if it's not His will. He's going to get me the job He wants me to have. I have some ideas for Him, but I'm pretty sure He doesn't need my help. Although I like to give Him a few suggestions every once in a while.
Secondly, I'm going to seek. I'm going to get motivated. I have dreams. I have ambition. Right now they are piling up in my butt making it larger and larger. They aren't doing any good there, trust me. I'm going to listen to my husband, because whether I like to believe it or not he's got some pretty good ideas. He's full of motivation if I'd only listen.
Thirdly I'm going to believe that I am better than that. That I don't have to settle and by faith and prayer I can do it.
I can pray. Listen. See. Believe. So why haven't I done them all at the same time? Instead of just doing one or two things, do them all. I can pray, but if I'm not going to see and listen to what He has for me, then what good is that. If I pray, but don't actually seek and work for it, He's not going to bless me. If I don't believe, I'll never do any of the other things. So, I'm going to take my dreams and ambitons, give them to God. Then I'm going to pray, look and listen, and believe in what He can provide for me. I'm going to believe I am special and trust that He has a parking spot for me.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Ch ch ch changes
GOALS. That is a very popular word in our house right now. My husband has goals. I have goals. My son has goals. And soon so will my daughter. While I may not be a fan (mostly because I fail at reaching them due to lack of organization) my husband loves them. He is a goal freak. He's wonderful with them. He's got an app that helps him budget his time so he knows what he is doing every moment of every day. He succeeds and loves to teach us what he has learned. He's amazing and inspirational. While I may not always show my appreciation for what he does, I truly do appreciate it. I have a few goals, which I can't seem to remember right now. Reason 5442 I can't seem to achieve them.
We as a family are making changes so we can be better. We have family night every week. We now get to go to church every Sunday together. We read together. We budget together. We are working together to better ourselves. We need this. This summer was crazy and we need to get some organization back in our lives. Truthfully I am looking forward to this winter. My husband won't have to work as much and we can try to live a "normal" life. Dinners together have been my favorite. Plus that means my husband cooks and his cooking is way better than mine. Read here. He can definitely succeed at making something out of nothing and doesn't have to take drastic measures. Again, he's amazing.
I think what I realize about this is that if I do make goals and organize my time better I'll have more time for family, to do things I need to do, and not feel so stressed and overwhelmed. I want to be there for my husband, my kids, my parents, and my friends. I don't want to stress and feel so tired all the time. I want to make changes and succeed at my goals. I know with God and my husband I can do it. I may not always be as organized and structured as he is, but I can learn.
We as a family are making changes so we can be better. We have family night every week. We now get to go to church every Sunday together. We read together. We budget together. We are working together to better ourselves. We need this. This summer was crazy and we need to get some organization back in our lives. Truthfully I am looking forward to this winter. My husband won't have to work as much and we can try to live a "normal" life. Dinners together have been my favorite. Plus that means my husband cooks and his cooking is way better than mine. Read here. He can definitely succeed at making something out of nothing and doesn't have to take drastic measures. Again, he's amazing.
I think what I realize about this is that if I do make goals and organize my time better I'll have more time for family, to do things I need to do, and not feel so stressed and overwhelmed. I want to be there for my husband, my kids, my parents, and my friends. I don't want to stress and feel so tired all the time. I want to make changes and succeed at my goals. I know with God and my husband I can do it. I may not always be as organized and structured as he is, but I can learn.
Monday, October 27, 2014
We did it and more!
The weekend of October 10-12, 2014 was a fantastic one! On Saturday my sister came home from Waynesburg, PA via bus into Boston (and survived with little tears shed). My Mom, Aunt, Grandmother, cousins, sister, daughter and I spent the day in Boston. We used to go every year in November since I was 12. We stopped going a few years ago due to a few things. We took the train down and back and had fantastic girl time. It was great to bond again during this trip. We managed not to lose anyone and only had one incident where my mother may or may not have forgotten about my daughter in H&M. All is good as we did make it home together.
On Sunday we got up at the crack of dawn to head down to Skydive New England and jump. My sister still didn't know she was going until we got there. She was so shocked. So my mother, sister and I went to our getting ready to jump out of a plan survival class, which in my opinion was just a place where I signed my life away and promised I wouldn't blame them. I did also learn that there is no perfectly good plane, pilot, parachute, jumper...you get the idea. We finish the "class" and go outside and wait for our names to be called. We watch a few groups jump before us from the class the day before. Their jumps got cancelled due to the weather, but we had clear blue beautiful skies. Finally our names get called, we meet our jumping companions, and suit up. Then we get on a tractor and drive over to the plane. It's about a 15 minute ride up to the 14,000 feet we will be jumping from, but the views are beautiful and remind me to be thankful for these moments I have. They remind me of how wonderful my God truly is and what he has done. So we are there, 14,000 feet in the air. My sister is the first to go out of the three of us, then me, then my mom. The feeling is spectacular and I loved every moment of it. The feeling of free falling and the views and serenity the moments after the parachute open we so peaceful and calming. The motion sickness part I did not anticipate, but I will be prepared for next time. When my mother got her barrings she clearly stated that she was "never doing that again!" Overall it was a great success and my grandfather and I are making plans to go in June.
On Sunday we got up at the crack of dawn to head down to Skydive New England and jump. My sister still didn't know she was going until we got there. She was so shocked. So my mother, sister and I went to our getting ready to jump out of a plan survival class, which in my opinion was just a place where I signed my life away and promised I wouldn't blame them. I did also learn that there is no perfectly good plane, pilot, parachute, jumper...you get the idea. We finish the "class" and go outside and wait for our names to be called. We watch a few groups jump before us from the class the day before. Their jumps got cancelled due to the weather, but we had clear blue beautiful skies. Finally our names get called, we meet our jumping companions, and suit up. Then we get on a tractor and drive over to the plane. It's about a 15 minute ride up to the 14,000 feet we will be jumping from, but the views are beautiful and remind me to be thankful for these moments I have. They remind me of how wonderful my God truly is and what he has done. So we are there, 14,000 feet in the air. My sister is the first to go out of the three of us, then me, then my mom. The feeling is spectacular and I loved every moment of it. The feeling of free falling and the views and serenity the moments after the parachute open we so peaceful and calming. The motion sickness part I did not anticipate, but I will be prepared for next time. When my mother got her barrings she clearly stated that she was "never doing that again!" Overall it was a great success and my grandfather and I are making plans to go in June.
After the skydiving adventure and a few naps, we headed out to my aunts camp and had a lobster feeding frenzy. My mothers whole family (which is just her parents and sister's family) were all there. We enjoy endless lobsters and laughs. The view was beautiful and we all had a great time.
My parents stayed the weekend along with my sister, so they headed home Monday. It was an amazing fun filled weekend that I will remember for the rest of my life. I'll ever forget my mother's first words after landing from skydiving, her excitement for us to spend the weekend together, and all the things we got to do together. While my mother may not remember it for long, it was definitely worth doing and made me realize that I should never question why or for who we are making memories for.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Yes we have cereal for supper. So?
Yes, we have cereal for supper. I'll even make Hamburger Helper just to see them smile. They love that stuff so don't judge. It may not be that great being all processed and stuff, but hey they like it (and I may like it too). But I mean seriously they would love anything I make.
Who am I kidding? They absolutely do not like everything or even half the stuff I cook. That's why I am married to a chef. So why am I cooking you ask? Because he's off cooking for others tonight. Sooo I am home "creating" this fabulous supper with groceries I didn't buy because I forgot I needed to go grocery shopping. I do have pork I pulled out that says 'perfect for the grill' and comes with skewers. Sounds easy enough, but there's no way I'm going to wait for that charcoal grill. I'll just marinade it with some teriyaki sauce and sauté it. I have some wonderful, colorful peppers and orzo. What more does one need to make an awesome stir fry. So I make stir fry. My princess comes into the house after playing outside and the first thing she says is "I hope you don't expect me to eat that if that's the stuff in the sauce. I'll have a sandwich" Why no my sweet, angelic, non attitudal princess, I do not expect you to eat it, but I do suspect you will because you are NOT getting anything else. My son, on the other hand thinks it smells spicy. Spicy? Seriously, I just can't win. It now makes sense to why when I make Hamburger Helper or we have cereal, my kids smile. It definitely would not have gone like this if the hubs made this. They probably would have loved it.
Now I am happy to report that my son had two helpings of the "rice" and princess proudly proclaimed that she ate all her chicken and peppers. It's pork, but who am I to nit pick. Plus that she ate her peppers, that's an amazement in itself. She doesn't like her peppers cooked (or raw but whose keeping track?) So I hear you asking, "Why, if you know she doesn't like it , would you make that?" Well it's the same answer I give her, because we may not like everything that we are served or that's provided for us, but we have to be thankful we have something.
Yes, I'm the one who forgot about grocery shopping because we stayed at the library until they closed. Yes, I bought the food they don't like. And yes, I eat things I don't like too. Just ask my husband, he thinks it's entertaining when I HAVE TO eat brussel sprouts because everyone else likes them. But we are thankful that we have food and the means to provide food to nourish our bodies. And while we are not always as thankful as we should be and complain more than we should, He still provides for us. We need to remember in a time of dislike or turmoil to have peace and thankfulness that He has provided and will continue to provide.
Don't worry,tomorrow night we'll have liver and onions....PSYCH!
Who am I kidding? They absolutely do not like everything or even half the stuff I cook. That's why I am married to a chef. So why am I cooking you ask? Because he's off cooking for others tonight. Sooo I am home "creating" this fabulous supper with groceries I didn't buy because I forgot I needed to go grocery shopping. I do have pork I pulled out that says 'perfect for the grill' and comes with skewers. Sounds easy enough, but there's no way I'm going to wait for that charcoal grill. I'll just marinade it with some teriyaki sauce and sauté it. I have some wonderful, colorful peppers and orzo. What more does one need to make an awesome stir fry. So I make stir fry. My princess comes into the house after playing outside and the first thing she says is "I hope you don't expect me to eat that if that's the stuff in the sauce. I'll have a sandwich" Why no my sweet, angelic, non attitudal princess, I do not expect you to eat it, but I do suspect you will because you are NOT getting anything else. My son, on the other hand thinks it smells spicy. Spicy? Seriously, I just can't win. It now makes sense to why when I make Hamburger Helper or we have cereal, my kids smile. It definitely would not have gone like this if the hubs made this. They probably would have loved it.
Now I am happy to report that my son had two helpings of the "rice" and princess proudly proclaimed that she ate all her chicken and peppers. It's pork, but who am I to nit pick. Plus that she ate her peppers, that's an amazement in itself. She doesn't like her peppers cooked (or raw but whose keeping track?) So I hear you asking, "Why, if you know she doesn't like it , would you make that?" Well it's the same answer I give her, because we may not like everything that we are served or that's provided for us, but we have to be thankful we have something.
Yes, I'm the one who forgot about grocery shopping because we stayed at the library until they closed. Yes, I bought the food they don't like. And yes, I eat things I don't like too. Just ask my husband, he thinks it's entertaining when I HAVE TO eat brussel sprouts because everyone else likes them. But we are thankful that we have food and the means to provide food to nourish our bodies. And while we are not always as thankful as we should be and complain more than we should, He still provides for us. We need to remember in a time of dislike or turmoil to have peace and thankfulness that He has provided and will continue to provide.
Don't worry,tomorrow night we'll have liver and onions....PSYCH!
Friday, September 26, 2014
Sometimes It's Just in a Song
Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up
You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older, too
And don't lose the way that you dance around
In your PJs getting ready for school
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have
Is someday gonna be gone
So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up
Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Don't you ever grow up
(Never grow up)
Just never grow up
Heard this song for the first time the other day and I immediately thought of my daughter and how she is growing too fast. I'm just not ready for that. She's talking about boys, giving attitude, doing her own hair, and just plain GROWING TOO FAST! I am just not ready for this next "phase" we will be going through. I'm not ready for boys and heartbreak. I'm not ready for the birds and the bees. And most of all, this attitude. It sure is big and unwelcome.
I get it. I was her age once (whether she believes it or not). She's hormonal and doesn't know how to quite process all the things she is thinking or feeling, but seriously? How am I suppose to understand when she doesn't understand or communicates is incomplete sentences. Whatevs. Cray cray. Seriously girlfriend, give me something I can work with. I tots don't get it!! (Ha see what I did there. Maybe I can understand. Ya. Probably not.) I mean, right now she's just as "cray cray" as I am. And if you ask my husband that is extremely hard to do. That and I'd like to keep my crown as the craziest in the house, so no honey as much as I love you, you can not have my crazy crown.
As the song continued, it made me think of my Mom. How she use to embarrass me and I was too cool to be seen with her. Thought I was smarter than her and didn't need her advise. But now that has changed. I need her more than I let her know. I miss her more than I let on. And I am scared for her and for us. I remember family trips to a local restaurant and we'd share a banana split at the end of the meal. I remember all the times I hurt her feelings like they were yesterday. I wish so much that I could take those back and change my responses or choices. Maybe, just maybe things would have been different.
So know that I am older, more mature, and know all there is to know about life (who am I kidding I still have way more to learn) I can make better choices. I can chose to do more. I can chose to love more. I want my family to know and feel my love for them. And I want to encourage everyone to chose to love and do more. You never know what time you have left.
So know that I am older, more mature, and know all there is to know about life (who am I kidding I still have way more to learn) I can make better choices. I can chose to do more. I can chose to love more. I want my family to know and feel my love for them. And I want to encourage everyone to chose to love and do more. You never know what time you have left.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
We Are Doing It!!!!!
It's official, my mother and I are going skydiving! Sunday October 12, 2014 will be a memory that I will never forget. I absolutely CAN NOT WAIT!!! I am so excited.
The past few weeks have been about things she wanted to do and checking things off her "bucket list". She's gone to a Red Sox game with her Dad and son. We are doing a lobster bake, and overnight trip to Boston and the skydiving. She has or is going to do so many wonderful things, but I am still not sure how I feel about it. Part of me selfishly feels like we should be making memories for us because we are the ones that will have the memories. Also she's not dying physically any time soon. She's not physically going anywhere, so why the rush for her to do these things? Please do not misunderstand what I am saying/feeling/thinking. Although if you do I completely understand because I have a hard time figuring it out myself. I hate feeling like we are treating her like she is dying and has been given a time limit. She was diagnosed with cancer and we didn't treat her like she was going anywhere. Right?
I guess she's not going anywhere physically, but I have to realize and accept that she is going somewhere mentally and emotionally. Maybe not this year or in the next few but eventually. Everyone in my family copes differently. Some may need this. But what we need most is each other. We need to stay strong and united. We are going to need us and God, especially God, more than anything right now. That's what we need to remember in the hard days ahead. I do know that we will have the hard days, but it will be remembering the good days and memories that will help us get through. The memories we are going to make will be part of the glue that will hold us together.
"You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."
I just want to remember my Mom the way I want to. The most loving, kind, compassionate, gentlest soul I have ever known. She would do anything for anyone. I still don't understand why God chose her and I will never know. But what I do know is that He has a purpose for this and with Him we will get through this.
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." Kevin Arnold
"Memories are timeless treasures of the heart."
The past few weeks have been about things she wanted to do and checking things off her "bucket list". She's gone to a Red Sox game with her Dad and son. We are doing a lobster bake, and overnight trip to Boston and the skydiving. She has or is going to do so many wonderful things, but I am still not sure how I feel about it. Part of me selfishly feels like we should be making memories for us because we are the ones that will have the memories. Also she's not dying physically any time soon. She's not physically going anywhere, so why the rush for her to do these things? Please do not misunderstand what I am saying/feeling/thinking. Although if you do I completely understand because I have a hard time figuring it out myself. I hate feeling like we are treating her like she is dying and has been given a time limit. She was diagnosed with cancer and we didn't treat her like she was going anywhere. Right?
I guess she's not going anywhere physically, but I have to realize and accept that she is going somewhere mentally and emotionally. Maybe not this year or in the next few but eventually. Everyone in my family copes differently. Some may need this. But what we need most is each other. We need to stay strong and united. We are going to need us and God, especially God, more than anything right now. That's what we need to remember in the hard days ahead. I do know that we will have the hard days, but it will be remembering the good days and memories that will help us get through. The memories we are going to make will be part of the glue that will hold us together.
"You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."
I just want to remember my Mom the way I want to. The most loving, kind, compassionate, gentlest soul I have ever known. She would do anything for anyone. I still don't understand why God chose her and I will never know. But what I do know is that He has a purpose for this and with Him we will get through this.
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." Kevin Arnold
"Memories are timeless treasures of the heart."
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